I've been having a lot of anxiety about how I'm doing in class. I couldn't sleep outside of driving myself to exhaustion and collapsing of it. I put Wolf's Rain in the DVD player, trying to make me forget, but instead, I remember.
I remember warm nights in the living room, chewing on pizza and doodling in my sketchbook, giddy with anticipation for Toonami and then Adult Swim. I would take a nap earlier in the day to make sure I had it in me to stay up until all my shows had played. I would watch whatever version of Dragon Ball they were playing at the time, followed by things like Yu Yu Hakusho. Then Saturday night Adult Swim would come on. And back then, it was good. Real good.
I remember the night they premiered Wolf's Rain, kinda like it was yesterday. I don't know why it imprinted on me so, maybe because I'd never seen so much blood in an anime before. My grandmother was doing laundry, and I remember her stopping to ask what I was watching. I shrugged, telling her I'd never seen it before. But from the first episode I was entranced. I watched it religiously from then on, from episode 1 to 30, never missing a one for anything. I was positively enamored by the series. I think it was my Freshman year they played it, but I don't remember now.
I recently received the complete collection as compensation for doing some favors (being paid in DVDs = better than being paid in gum) though I've neglected to watch it all again. Watching the first few episodes again, it gave me.... peace. It's an oddly pacifying series, despite the level of action in it.
You are not alone. We are all searching for Paradise. Some get lost along the way. But you will make it. You will do great things.
I remember someone, maybe a friend of mine, told me that the story to him seemed an allegory for world peace. That's probably stuck with me over the years, and watching it again, I see the symbolism far clearer that before.
The world is a profound thing, ya know?